rach_m

GIFSoup

( We are fire inside, we are lipstick and cleats. We are not going home, we are playing for keeps )

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I have a major announcement.

I AM GRADUATING.

Seriously, from college and everything. In very few weeks I am going to have to be a real adult and start thinking about paying off my loans and everything. They are going to let me be a role model to children! I haven't found a yet, I guess in this economy PE teachers aren't really in demand. It's fine though, they're letting me take more hours at the bar until I find something. At least I have a job and won't be living in a van down by the river. My mom thinks I should move back to my hometown area, but I think I'd miss it around here. And I've gotten used to that no giant blizzards thing about this place. It's nice.

My other job is going well, I mean being a waitress at a bar isn't the most exciting thing ever, but it pays the bills. Also, you can have the funniest conversations with drunks. Yesterday it was something about if a pickle is a fruit or a vegetable. I said it was a condiment, but the drunk guy did not agree with me at all. I guess it's was of those universe questions that might never be totally answered. I guess it might be a fruit though, cucumbers are fruits? Right?

Halloween is fast approaching and I have to say that it's one of my favorite times of the year. When I was a kid it was all about the giant bucket of candy you would have collected by the end of the night. Growing up my family didn't have that much money for special treats or snacks, so a giant bucket of candy was definitely a once a year sort of things. I always had to decided between eating it so fast that I'd throw up or savoring it so slow that the last couple pieces were stale.

The costumes were a big things then, and they still are now. I like coming up with something creative and not just a slutty version of anything and everything. (I once had a friend do the exact opposite and went as a non-slutty hooker) I went as soccer players a couple times. The last time was when I was a senior in High School. I went as David Beckham and one of my friends went as his wife. She tried to keep from smiling the whole night, to stay in character, which just meant we messed with her a lot.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this year, normally I start earlier than this on ideas. I guess school has been really taking up way too much of my time. Maybe I should just go as a gym teacher and spend the night throwing dodgeballs at people.

( Everyone else is doing it )

When I think about grandparents that are interesting to talk about my Grandfather is the first thing that comes to mind. William Henry Morgan, my paternal grandfather, is an amazing man and also completely ridiculous. I've been told I share a lot of personality traits with him so that should tell you something. He also looks a little like a combination of John Wayne and Popyeye.

He's in his 80s now and he still does stupid stuff that most people would avoid. He went out on a four wheeler in the middle of winter and flipped it on some ice. While in his 80s, most people would have stopped doing things by that age. He then did as much as possible to re-injure himself and not relaxing and recovering like he should have. He's stubborn and does whatever he wants no matter what anyone tells him.

He's also ridiculously sarcastic and is known for jokingly insulting anyone and everyone. He does his best stuff with the significant others of my siblings and cousins. Well, the ones they are stupid enough to bring home. Once he said something about 'that's the last we'll see of that joker' before the poor boy was even out of the room. My poor cousin, that boyfriend didn't last a whole lot longer than that. As annoying as it is, most of us pay attention to his advice when it comes to romance. He has been married 60 years, so he does know something about picking a spouse.

I hope I'm as wily as him when I get that old.

I just realized my birthday is less than a month away and I will be 23, which is old. I've decided to make it easy on everyone and give gift ideas.

-A hot guy
-Spaceship
-Dart gun
-A Yankees shirt to set on fire
-The world's largest gummy bear
-Anything awesome

I've given you tons of time to think about it, so get on it!

( Bravery )

It's now my turn for this crazy question people have been answering. What would I do if I didn't have to see anyone for a whole week? I think I could actually do this because if I can't see anyone that obviously means I don't have to go to class, right?

1. Walk around in my underwear, or maybe even naked. I'm surprised no one else has mentioned this one, it was the first thing that popped into my head. If no one is going to see me then what's even the point of getting dressed at all?

2. Watch all the reality TV I want without any judgement. They're as bad as they look and I love betting on the outcomes of things. Which girl will be the first to cry, who will say they aren't here to make friends friends, and which ones will start a catfight. Super random stuff like that, and no one would ruin my fun.

3. Sleep until I wake up. There would be no alarms, no morning calls from friends or family, and my morning run can wait until I'm ready. If I could do this it would be the greatest part of my week.

4. Teach myself to dance. I'm a pretty coordinated person, sports have helped a lot with that, but for some reason it's never really translated into dancing. I think it would be fun to be able to dance more than just really bad club dancing and all that free time would be perfect for that. By the end of that week I would be the new Justin Timberlake. Or Bieber? Nope, never Bieber.

5. Actually read the textbooks that I have been spending hundreds of dollars on. I'm pretty good at skimming through the chapters, and even doing the readings when I need to, but actually catching up and doing it the overachiever way would be nice. And by the end of the week I'd run out of things to do and so I'd have time for it at the end of my list.

I know that vacation is supposed to be a time to have more of a social life. A time where you can see your friends without worrying about homework and tests, but it's making me a hermit. All I wanted to do be lazy and sit on my couch. Okay, I still had to go to work and do my workouts, but other than that I've been watching a lot of movies.

So townspeople, give me a really ridiculous way to get out of the house more. Don't make it normal, I want your most interesting ideas!

So, there's this feeling that you get right after finals week. The feeling that your brain has melted and you never want to think again. Ever, ever, ever. Since I just finished my test, I've been vegging and not moving. I've also watch a lot of really bad tv movies.

Anyway, today I decided I should start acting like a human being again. I actually stopped being such a lazy bun and went for my normal morning run again and I felt better. I still refuse to do any academic thinking, and if anyone tries to make me do math I might try and bite them.

Anyway, someone needs to tell me something interesting to keep me from returning to that Lifetime channel.

So, going home was pretty fun. I had forgotten how loud my family is. I tell people they are loud a lot, but you sometimes forget the magnitude of it when you are away for awhile. It's like me times eight. Alright, not really. I'm probably the worst of the family for noise (unless you count my mother yelling at us), but I'm only loudest by a small margin and so it's super loud when all of us are together.

There are several things I relearned while being there.
-I suddenly remember what cold is. Actually cold, the type where it might snow and you can no longer feel your face.
-This also makes my morning run a lot harder. I think I almost lost an ear.
-That I'm glad to have graduated High School. Just listening to the drama from my little brother made me tired. Teenagers are ridiculous creatures. (College students are a different sort of ridiculous)
-Also, I need to learn how to cook. My mom's food is amazing and all I can make is cheesecake, which I know is really random. I need to cook real food.
-I have too many siblings. Would someone like to buy one? Paul can be for sale.

Anyway, vacation is now over and it's back to school. It's only a few weeks to finals and I probably should be studying more and freaking out, but I think I'm doing good. My grades are decent, I don't think I'm going to fail any test, and once this is done I'll only have one more semester. Unless something horrific happens like a zombie attack or the school burns down. I actually made it in four years, which is amazing considering what a slacker I can be when it comes to school. It got easier once I got to my major classes and was learning things I enjoyed for the most part. I am not looking forward to being an adult, finding a job, and paying off student loans yet.

The future is not far enough away.

So, this year I thought I was going to be very good and get all my Halloween candy early. I always get it at the last moment and just get stuck with the awful stuff that nobody wants to eat. (Children probably hate me). It seemed like a really good idea. Get it early, have it done, get the good stuff. WRONG! Can you children tell me why this was a bad, horrible idea?

I am normally pretty good at sticking to my healthy diet, but there is something about mini-Snickers that I cannot resist. They taste better than big ones. And I think I'm already out of candy and I just noticed. If I keep this up I'm just going to be a giant blob rolling around the soccer field. (It'll look weird, you'll want to bring cameras) I probably should just go and buy awful candy so that I don't eat them as well as the kids.

Hopefully I still fit into my costume, it was a pain in the ass to find. Do you know how hard it is to find red, knee high boots? I fee like I spend so much time putting it together that I might just wear it all weekend, actually starting Friday morning and not taking it off till Sunday. I could wear it at home, to class, to work (especially to work), anywhere I go. It's a good thing I don't go to church because that could get awkward. Sailor Moon is awesome.

Also, I need a horror movie buddy. I haven't decided if I want to watch good ones that would actually scare me (which is really hard to do), or those awful originally Japanese remakes. The ones that make you jump for a second, but you don't feel scared after you watch them.

Or I could just go super awful and watch Final Destination. It's really easy to turn those into drinking games. Just guess who you think is going to die next and drink if you're wrong! Amazing.

You know what? Hulu is totally my best friend now. It is the only thing that keeps my homework from driving me insane and making me go all crazy on my whole apartment and destroy everyone. (I think Jessie should be thankful to Hulu as well) All those new shows are great background noise when I'm writing papers. Just enough distraction that it's silence and creepy, but none of them are good enough that I stop paying attention to my stuff. Okay, there's been one show that made me stop paying attention to my paper, but that's not really my fault. I completely blame Will Arnett, that man is hilarious. And he married someone funny, so when his kids grow up they will probably be so funny that will actually end the world. True story.

I've found the one show that I cannot watch while trying to do my homework is Bones, it's just too fantastic. I start watching while doing problems and suddenly it's 45 minutes later and I haven't gotten anywhere. There's too so much going on! And David Boreanaz is just too hot not to watch all the times he is on the screen. I don't care if he might be a horrible person in real life, he is hot and charming in this show. Dreamy.

I still haven't watched Glee, which probably horrifies Winnie and Sunny. It's just too teen show for me, and way too much singing, and nobody ever gets shot. Maybe it's because I don't sing and I never have, I have no emotional attachment to choir or whatever. Also, I fear that every song they would sing on it and I would hear would be an excuse for Winnie to try and make me do karaoke again. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. EVER. EVER EVER EVER. I'm really just going to stick with my cop shows, those are my friends. I wish I could run around with a gun and save the day. (Actually that would probably be more dangerous for the public, not less)

All of this just means that I spend way too much time thinking about TV and can write more about it than whatever I'm supposed to be writing for my classes. Is there a major where all you have to do is write about TV shows? I think I should switch. I'm going to be an awful PE teacher.

I don't really ever remember going on a true vacation. Going on a trip to a random place just to relax and have a good time. Most of our trips were to visit family and since all of our family lives in New England we never went very far from home. I can understand why my parents only did trips like that. We didn't have a lot of money growing up, we still don't, so going to family meant we didn't have to get hotel rooms and cut down a lot of expenses. It also meant they got extra adults to help look after the kids.

Keeping 6 kids in a car for any amount of time is ridiculous so car trips all ended the same way. By the end of the trip someone had started crying (normally my sister), someone got bruised (one of my brothers), and someone got grounded (normally me). The amount of times my dad threatened to turn the car around ended up in the 20s, and he actually turned the car around twice. Trips started getting less tense once the older kids started leaving home. I feel bad for my little brother, he now has to deal with my parents all by himself which can't be any better than when all of us were there.

Of course when we did something that didn't involve family, things weren't any more interesting. Massachusetts doesn't have things like Disneyland, Seaworld, or things kids want for vacation. New England has history, lots of history, so we ended up mostly going to battlefields and old villages. I don't know how, but they even managed to make the Salem witch trials seem boring. I'm never doing that to my kids, they're getting a trip to something interesting.

( survey )

So it was Father's Day yesterday and I for the first time in my life remember to send my Dad's gift out before hand. It actually got there early, it was amazing. He's easy to shop for, I mean, my dad's not stupid, but he's a working man. He doesn't really want things like books or gadgets. So I bought him brand new Sox gear. He's old shirt was all full of holes. We don't have a whole lot of money, but Dad's one splurge is always getting tickets to a couple home games each year. Anyway, that's all I can say about Dad, which he would actually like because he doesn't really enjoy people going on about him. Anyway, with everyone talking about their perfect woman and speed dating, and my mother calling and asking if I have anyone special in my life, I've decided to do my own list. This will be about my perfect man because we all know my perfect woman is Effie.

Rachel's Perfect Guy List: I'll try and limit myself.
( The List )

So now because of Jessie's lovely, fantastical older brother I have something to do this summer besides just sitting on the couch and going to work. (This is horrible of me, I've been majorly slacking on my workout plan. I'm going to be horribly out of shape when school starts again.) Anyway because I am now planning a ridiculously amazing cruise this summer I've been retry on all the summer clothes I own to see what I need to buy in preparation for this trip. I only have two swimsuits and both of them are sensible. I can't wear those, sensible if for old people, and I am not I'm going to spend the whole trip being the ugliest of the three blondes. We must all be equally hot to get loads of cruise boys. I need to look super hot to keep up with Jessie and Alyson the whole time.

This brings me to thinking about how much padding I'm going need to get a bikini to fit properly. I normally don't have anything against my body, it's a very good one. Perfect for sports, and I don't have enough to be annoying when I'm running. (If you know what I mean) But I'm not really made for bikinis, but you've got to work with what you've got even if it's not a whole lot.

Of course, I've still got to budget a little before the shopping spree. Being a poor college student is really lame, although I think it's making me better at math. I could ask my parents for a little spending money, but I think that would end with my mother laughing at me and trying to hit me with a spoon through the phone line. She is prone to violence when her children say stupid things. I feel bad for Chris, he's the only one left in the house, he must get all the walloping now. I could try to find some way to make a little more money for this, but the only thing I can think of to get cash fast is prostitution, which is both illegal and immoral. I can't afford to get arrested.

So, not having class and practice has left me with way too much time on my hands. I still have work, but that doesn't take up nearly enough time. So, in an effort to get rid of my time I've started going to Walmart way too often and buying ridiculous things that I don't need. I would also like to point out that while I said I had given up on pants, I did put them on before leaving the house. I think wandering around town in my underwear would get me in trouble.

Anyway, I've started getting those really terrible one dollar movies they sell. Some of them are actually really entertaining by how completely horrible they are. I got one the other day that I'm not quite sure what the plot was, but it involved Jack Nicholson running around this island a lot and then some girl melted. It was awful, but I think I'd watch it again.

Please someone get me out of my house.